Dillan's Glasses

On Dead Stars

2010-07-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've heard of dead stars. Well, in case you haven't, they're, well, stars, which are dead. No I'm not being funny here, they are really dead stars, but since they are light years away, we still see their light and believe that they are shining down upon us.

This concept was used in a Filipino short story by Paz Marquez Benitez. The story was about a man who lived his life believing that he has let the love of his life slip away. He had a good life, which he never really appreciated, believing that he had let his happpiness slip away in the past. But in the end, when faced with the reality of the woman he thought he loved, he realized that what he really loved was the illusion, not the person. Or more precisely, the memory of that illusion.

Many of us live through this illusion. We would always have the man/woman who got away somewhere within us. Some live the rest of their lives pining for this love, so much so that they forget to really live and enjoy life.

The same thing is true with anger. We let it build inside of us, based on a real or imagined slight in the past. We react in a way that would have been more appropriate in the past, but not at this moment. We react as we would have in the past, not understaning that the here and now is a completely different thing altogether.

The reality is we are here and now. Athough we learn from the past, we are are living in the NOW. So forget about dead stars. They will always be beautiful, but they can only belong to the past.

Anyway, all I wanted to say was, I've seen a lot of dead stars. They are beautiful, but they're not real. I don't think I should ever let them hurt me.

Sa Sariling Wika

2010-07-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

I would have loved to write in Filipino, or to be more precise, Tagalog, and prove to my friend that the one entry in Filipino in this blog was not a fluke. But I guess it was. I have the article all set in my mind, complete with expletives and all. See, I thought it would work, with me feeling strongly about a lot of things right now. Well, it sounded good while I was running it through my head.

But not written down.

Don't get me wrong, I speak Tagalog just like the next guy. Well, not quite; my friends tell me I have a funny way of saying the PI word, which, thank God, I do not say as often as the next guy. But written down is another matter. Written down, my Tagalog tends to sound too formal, or on the other swing, too informal. It just doesn't seem to translate what I really want to say. Whatever. I think Mr. Conrado de Quiros was right when he said in one of his articles that Tagalog is more of an oral language than a written one, and that although we speak in our own dialects, more often than not, we read and write in English( for more on this, you can check inquirer.net).

So there. For the moment, let me put off my Tagalog article for another day. And let me think of a new way to write what I wanted to write today.

My Top Five Comfort Food

2009-08-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

It's inevitable, people feel bad, they eat. Must be a remnant of those times when we were helpless babies and feeding was the only thing that stops us crying. Whatever, I'm not going to go into the psychology of that behavior. I was just thinking, what do I eat when I'm feeling down? Here is a list of my top five comfort food, in no particular order:

Gummy worms - You know that song, "Nobody loves me...I'm gonna eat some worms.." Well gummy worms are way better than the garden variety; not that I've tried the latter. This is my current comfort food. I'm pretty sure I'll get tired of it soon, though. All that sweet...not good!
Mexicali's Veggie Buritos - This was from way back, when I was working the graveyard shift and went home to a unit devoid of occupants. Big burito, veggies, chips, salsa and a tall glass of lemonade to keep me company...no wonder I gained weight, eating all that before sleeping.
Ice Cream - No particular brand, or flavor, just good, old-fashioned ice cream. Eating ice cream makes me think of childhood, and birthday parties, when all one needed was pancit and/or spaghetti and ice-cream to have a good time. Plus, I'm one weird person who likes staying indoors and eating ice-cream on a rainy day.
Halo-halo - Summertime in the Philippines is halo-halo season. What I like most is gathering all the leftover sweets from fiesta and dumping ice, milk and sugar on them for a cool, homemade glass of halo-halo. Also, going around the neighborhood to see which place is selling the best summer treat. I also like Cool King, though I'm not sure if they have already closed operations. I know that the stall in SM city is gone. I liked it that you can choose your halo, and, weird me, I liked eating Cool King halo-halo in a movie house.
Sbarro's baked ziti - I love Italian food, and Sbarro is the most accessible Pizzeria/Ristorante in town. There's something about the food, and the place, itself, that makes me feel comfortable, like an old friend I can always go back to; it brings back memories of college friendships and romance. Funny, thinking of food that way...

So there, my top five. It was fun making that list.

Addendum

2009-08-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't been totally honest. There is someone, or maybe, the vision of someone. We are not in relationship, so I cannot claim a lovelife. I just know that somewhere down the road, we will be walking the same path, though now may not exactly be the right time. I'm not in a hurry, for I am perfectly confident that I'm being led on the right path, and that we are even now on our way there. I am not in a hurry, too, because I know now that relationsips are not bound by societal pressures, but by the oneness of hearts. I know I can laugh with him, and that our minds and hearts are on level. He has never been my knight in shining armor, for I never wanted him to be one. He will be my co-captain. He will not shield me from pain, but fight alongside me. These things will make it more meaningful. And yes, I know, too, that if we are not led to walk one path, I will not be devastated, because I will still be one, and so will he. I have not made him my world, nor the other way around, so together or apart, I know we will be good. Please don't ask me about him, I'd like him to be my one little secret. Its enough that he exists.

I have weird plans for the next months and years, so I don't know what will happen. I really don't know if I have time for romance. I'm letting the Universe take me to where I need to be. But I guess, it already knows what I want. My friend, just pray for me, or along with me, if you can.

It is liberating to finally be able to say these things...

For the People Power Children, From Another

2009-08-06T02:20:00.000-07:00

Even the heavens mourned the passing of the woman in yellow.

For the past several days, thousands braved the constant rain, if only to be given a few seconds to honor the person, who, for decades now have been a symbol of peace, not just for Filipinos, but for the rest of the world. Cory Aquino has passed away, but her people remember and honor her.

And yet, those who came after the People Power Revolution know her daughter Kris more than than they do Cory. The Laban sign has evolved to become the Loser symbol. Some overbloated ego would even think that a noontime show is more important than paying tribute to a president. How ironic. Or is it apt? Have we become so wrapped up in apathy, so comfortable in this semblance of peace that we have gained, that we have forgotten to teach our children? I hope not. For their very sakes, I hope not.

The past few days, we have have seen the resurgence of all things that had to do with Cory and the People Power Revolution- the Laban sign, the yellow ribbons, the songs. I found myself explaining to the younger ones how we, the Filipinos, as a people, stopped cowering, and finally, decided to stand up to a dictator, and shout, "Tama na, Sobra na, Palitan na!"; how we gained our freedom, Yes, I, who was able to catch only the tail end of the dictatorship that colored my childhood, I, who, was too young to have done much but watch from the outskirts of a revolution, who probably remembers the dictator most as the one who stopped the cartoons from being shown, the one who scared little children into keeping their mouths shut and their opinions for themselves.

But I tried, and I hope I was understood.

Cory Aquino, was the symbol of that revolution. She was a symbol of hope, and peace, for most of us. Let me dare say, too, that she may be the greatest president this country has had to date. She was not perfect, she did not even want to be president, but she did her best for her people, and was much loved in return. And she never stopped fighting for peace and democracy. Soft-spoken as she was, she was one of the strongest women, and, let me dare again say, persons, the world has known. Even her detractors will not contradict this fact.

Yesterday, I wore yellow, to honor President Aquino. I saddens me that I was duty bound to go to work, and was unable to pay my last respects to her, like some of my friends did. I was not among the crowd. Once more, I was in the outskirts, watching the proceedings from live streaming over the internet whenever I can. It saddens me more how some people who had the chance to pay tribute to her chose to pass up, or worse, to step up their own agenda, instead. What, really, have they learned from Cory?

After all the heightened feelings have passed, let us take stock and see how far we have gone, if at all, since People Power. Let us remember Cory for the courage she had in facing a dictator. May we, who reap the fruits of what she fought for, remember, that the best way to honor her memory is to continue to fight for the things she dedicated her life to. Peace, freedom, and democracy are fleeting things; they can easily be taken away from us. Let us be vigilant. Let us not let all Cory and all she fought for go to waste.

The ball is in our hands now. And so, let us proudly say, "Cory, di ka nag-iisa".

Kindness, Please....

2009-07-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

"In the end, only kindness matters..." ~Hands(Jewel)

I've always loved that line from Jewel's song. For me it encompasses all that is needed to make our lives better. Really.

Sounds simplistic I know. But how hard is it to imagine how things would be better if we exercised a little kindness in our everydays dealings? Would the irate driver have hit the illegal parker if he had decided to be a little kinder? Wouldn't they both have avoided a lot of wasted energy that way? Not to mention time, and probably money, too. And the official who steals from his/her people? Wouldn't it benefit more if he decided to look for kindness in his heart and realize that the world does not revolve only around his needs, that there may be others who will truly benefit from the money he/she stole? Is that too hard to imagine, or understand?

The truth is, it will always be easier to give in to a more negative reaction. Someone hits you, you hit back, without thinking. That is our nature. Kindness takes one more second. It asks for one more deep breath before you act. It takes practice and self-control. Still, I believe that all it takes is one decisive step in the right direction. One conscious thought to take deep breath and decide on kindness is already one big step.

The world has lost sight of this. That includes me, of course. These days, I try to be a little bit more concious in taking that extra breath. Who knows, one day, it might come naturally. For me, and for others, too.

A world ruled by kindness, now wouldn't that be nice?

Random Memories

2009-06-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

I remember her

putting eyedrops on my infected eye
running after me and catching me by my undies when I did not want to take a bath
taking care of my Father's wound
telling me I could be a beauty if I want to be
taking me with her to her office because I almost cut off my finger and would not stop crying
frustrated but not giving up on helping my sister with her homework
fixing my stuff at the dorm
mad at me for being stubborn
mad, mad as hell, and defending her family
crying at my sister's wedding
meeting my first boyfriend
wating to give me a massage and me pretending to be asleep
obsessed with a playstation racing game
doing crossword puzzles
in a dialysis center, which was a routine for eight years
sick but wanting to take care of her family
in a hospital, weak but wanting to go home for Christmas
as a beautiful sponsor for her brother's 50th wedding anniversary
apologizing for being sick
seeing us off after a weekend in Cavite. That was the last one. The next one was her lying beautiful and lifeless..

I MISS HER, that's all...

Stormy Days in June

2009-06-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

I vaguely remember a day like this, years and years ago. It was also raining. But life was young, and one can actually find one's self humming along with life's songs. Music was made by then young hearts, holding hands in the rain, discovering the wonders that kisses can bring. In their hearts, hope was abundant that their music, the song they have created that stormy night, would last.

Well, like all good things, it did not.

Barely a year later, on another stormy day in June, they started singing a different song. They have learned that sadness, as much as hope, creates its own unique tune. And having learned that even roses have thorns, they drifted apart, substituting new hard notes for once simple love songs. Grew up, grew apart, fell down, and rose up again. But always, from then on, on their own, never, ever together again.

This is their story. Mind you, it is not a sad one. Love, even if it once brought pain, does not leave bitterness in its wake. He went his own way, so did she. Life went on. They have always been free.

Still, it always rains this time in June...

(This is for Mr. Cool, who I've not been friends with ever since. I vowed to bring white roses to a certain place in memory of those June days. I never did. But its good to remember people one once loved.)

My Silence

2009-06-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

This blog has been quiet for sometime now.

A lot of things have happened, some really painful ones. I just can't write about them. I've written about a dozen drafts and discarded as much. Words are not enough; easier for me to wear the smiling mask.

One of these days, I'll write from the heart again.

For now, let me enjoy my silence.

Losing to Time

2009-04-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

"Each time on my leaving home
I run back to my mother's arms,
one last hold and then it's over. "

When I was young, I did not believe that time was something that moved in a linear manner. I thought then that time went on forever and that the years recycle such that I can always return to any happy moment that I want. I was about three or four years old then. That was the year I made my first poem, the year I started reading. In short, It was one of the first happy years that I can remember clearly. And that was my happy thought, that the year would return.

This belief was quickly shattered by my Kuya (a cousin, not a brother, as a have none) who told me that my favorite year will never return. I argued with him, even put on a show of my famous tantrums, but of course, it was an argument I never won. He was a teenager at that time and already knew much of the world. I was just a little kid, so I had to admit defeat. I remember crying hard at this discovery. It was one of the first moments of helplessness in my life.

That did not mean that I gave in to time. Until I started being an adult, myself (well, what passes for one, anyway), time was still something I took for granted. I knew I was growing in years, but I felt that time would never run out. I never saw my parents as growing old. In my mind, they would always be the same people who raised me up and saw me through all the scrapes and pains of growing. Yes, I grew up, but I did not see them getting old. I never noticed time passing by for my parents.

But time has a way of creeping up when you're not looking. One day, not quite a long time ago, I looked at my parents and saw grays in their hair. I noticed, too, how their gait seemed to be slowing down, how they were starting to depend on us a little more each day. But, even through their illnesses, I never let time defeat me. So they grew old, big deal, I did, too. In my mind, I still saw my parents as larger than life. Time will never defeat them, I will grow old, but they will live forever. They may get sick. Our roles may be reversed so that I have to take care of them, but they will always be with me. Or so I thought.

"Watching me, you know I cry,
you wave a kiss to say goodbye,
Feel the sky fall down upon me!"

Then one day, when I was not looking, time ran out for my mother. She just went, without having said goodbye. I knew she was sick, but she always got better. She was a fighter. I did not know that she could go so quickly, and so quietly. Once more, I became that helpless kid, crying because she discovered that she was not master of time, after all. I felt blindsided, like a boxer who was knocked out by one unexpected, tragic, blow.

Time would never run backward. I felt robbed of the chance to say goodbye. I found myself hoarding all memories I can of my mother. I searched through old photos, letters, anything at all to keep her with me. Because, hard as it may be, I had to accept she no longer was. Memories are all I have. I will have no more new ones, so I have to store up all the ones I can.

"If only I could stay with you, my train moves on,
you're gone from view,
Now I must wait until it's over. "

So where does that leave me? All my life I had my mother. Now I don’t, at least, not where I could see and touch her. I remember someone once saying that some events have so much impact that it becomes the line that separates events as then and now. This is it for me. Then I had a mother, now I don't. Then she was with me, now she is not. Things either happened when she was here, or after she left.

My mother will no longer be there to walk me to the altar, wearing the red dress I promised her, like I always thought, nor hold my baby in her arms. She will no longer be my textmate and I cannot just pick up the phone and call her. I will not be able to buy her all them Kikay stuff I used to, nor tell her about my travels. She will never take that Bangkok trip with me. What is left is a big blank space, where I will always imagine she should be.

I can feel the void she left our lives. None can fill that. The most we can do is adjust. They say time helps, and time heals. I have always fought time. In this, I will no longer. Time always wins, after, all. My hope is that, this time, time, finally can be my ally.

"Days will pass, your words to me,
it seems so long; eternity,
but I must wait and then it's over."

Gullermina Guevara Astudillo
"Nanay"
1941-2009
"A breath away's not far to where you are..."

(Verses from Enya's Evacuee/Josh Groban's To Where You Are)

Week in Review

2009-02-22T01:45:00.000-08:00

Some things that caught my attention in the past week:

13 year old dad. This headline made the rounds in the net and even made the local primetime news early last week. Boy aged 13, and girl aged 15, became parents to a baby girl. My God, aren't they babies themselves?

P230 million top lotto prize. This is enough to entice otherwise apathetic beings to line up and sing for the moon. Last I heard, nobady won, and the prize has gone up to P320 million. Time for me to join the queues. Now what will I do with that much money if I win??? Maintain my simple lifestyle, I guess. I know, weird.

Jeepney price rollback . Now, this is something a lot of people are really looking forward to, after the series of increases last year.

Edsa Revolution anniversary celebration moved to Monday, February 23, to facilitate a longer weekend. And we wonder why kids have forgotten to honor history? Please don't ask me, ask the president.

Well, that's some of it. On a more personal note, my new schedule will start this coming week. Work is more hectic but life is still beautiful. Oh, and rumor has it that I'm gonna get married this year. I still have more than ten months, let's see if it's true. LOL.

My 25 Random Things

2009-02-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

I got this from my Karen's blog. Anyone who wants to answer, please do so. I think all you have to do is list down 25 random things about yourself. Here is my list:

1. I'm a pack rat.
2. I love reading. I have a big collection of books; could have been bigger if I didn't lose a big box or two in the dorm back in college.
3. If past lives are real, I think I was a soldier in one of mine. In fact, when I was a little kid, my aunt heard me say clearly, while I was sleeping, that I would like to be one. Yet, being a soldier is the last thing I want to be in this lifetime.
4. If I'll make my living as an artist, I will be a hungry one. I really find it hard to recreate my works, or part with them at all, for commercial reasons.
5. I was once a member of a dramatics org. I even mimicked Kris Aquino's voice for a role. My most challenging role? The downtrodden heroine. So not me!!!
6. I type fast, but I almost never use my pinky for typing.
7. I've been working for the travel industry for over five years now, but when I applied for this job, I specifically said that I would not want to be assigned to a travel account.
8. I slur when I lack sleep.
9. If everything irritates me, chances are I am hungry.
10. People think I sing well. I always say I am just blessed with a good voice.
11. When I was 18, I thought I found the man I wanted to marry. Wrong idea. Good thing it did not work out.
12. I love watching anime, but not the ones with robots in them.
13. I hate romance books.
14. I know I can be a good teacher, but I just don't want to be one.
15. The first book I read which was not for kids was on the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle.
16. I would never buy expensive slippers. But of course, I would wear them if given to me.
17. When I was about three or fours years old, I made my first English poem, which was about a mother flower and a baby flower, and recorded it for an aunt. Unfortunately, no copy survived.
18. I was once a provincial essay writing winner. Now, where did the writing skill go?!
19. I think I'm the only one of my generation who has forgotten the lyrics of Voltes V. To think I used to sing all versions of it.
20. I love and hate with the same intensity. But then, I also forgive easily.
21. I seldom admit that I graduated from Pisay.
22. I would like enlist in a multimedia course.
23. I love traveling. My goal is to travel to at least two domestic and one international (at least Asian) destination every year.
24. I believe that people make their own happiness, and consequently, unhappiness is something you call unto yourself through the messages you send to the Universe.
25. I cherish alone moments. But I also enjoy the company of people I love.

That’s it. Now, it’s your turn.

Music and Me

2009-02-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

Oftentimes, when I cannot find my own words, I resort to music. This is the main reason why this blog is becoming more and more like a songbook everyday. So anyway, let me just share this song, from which a whole story started to blossom:

First of May

When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,

we used to love while others used to play.

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,

someone else moved in from far away.

Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,

and you don't ask the time of day.

But you and I, our love will never die,

but guess who'll cry come first of May.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,

I watched the apples falling one by one.

And as I recall the moment of them all,

the day I kissed your cheek and you were gone.

Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,

and you don't ask the time of day.

But you and I, our love will never die,

but guess who'll cry come first of May.

When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,

do do do do do do do do do ...

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,

someone else moved in from far away...

I've been too busy with so many things, so the story has not been completely written down yet. And as I wanted this in musical form, I bet it will take an even longer time than usual to write the whole thing . And, well, I discovered, time is a luxury when you have a lot of tasks at hand. But anyway, this story, entitled Old Entrance, will be an ode to friendships formed a long time ago in a little corner of a State University somewhere in the vicinity of Balara, Quezon City. Yup, you know where that is. And for those who know this small nook called the Old Entrance, maybe, when I finally get to write the story down, I hope you will understand if I borrowed pieces of you and stories of your lives to create a story that has been playing in my mind for some time now.

Heart Day Blues

2009-02-14T16:03:00.000-08:00

"Just when I think I can't love you more, you prove me wrong."

-Jim Clancy
Ghost Whisperer

I've always shunned Valentine’s Day celebrations, preferring to stay indoors to avoid the crowd and all them overpriced nothings being peddled by merchants intent on gaining profit from sickeningly sweet lovers, who, I think, should know better, especially with our economy the way it is. I know you can almost hear me say "Humbug!" An officemate of mine calls herself the Scrooge of Valentine. If that is the case, guess I'm a close understudy.

So just for today, I chose to be alone, stay in, and once more celebrate solitude. Much to my dismay, the Valentine blues got to me.

Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy where I am. But for a few minutes back there, looking at my photo collection, updating my personal mails, planning my itineraries, I really wished that, just for today, I have that someone special right beside me, even if it means going though a crowd and spending half our salaries on a dinner that would, most likely, not satisfy us at all. I wanted to let go of the rational side of me and just give in to the madness that others call romance. For once, I wished that my next set of travel photos would be of him and me discovering the world together.

Having given in to one mushy thought, others started following in its wake. I tortured myself thinking of the things that may never be; of the things he might have shared with others and not me, and consequently, of the things I never shared with him. And yet, I realize how I have closed a lot of doors and started believing that I am best alone. Maybe, the choice to love, or not, could have been mine, but I just did not want it, because either way could cause me pain, and pain is not something I would like to invite in my life.

I know this "senti" mode of mine will not last. I know what I want, have always wanted. In fact, I do know who I want; I just do not let that get in the way of me. I am, after all, still best at being alone.

So here's what I'll do. I'll find a quiet place where I can see both the stars and the city lights, and I'll give a toast to all you lovers out there, whose happiness will never be daunted by anything, not even a looming financial crisis. Believe it or not, I, too, know how to appreciate love. "Salut" to all of you, may your happiness survive the trivialities of life. And for that someone out there, may you never know how close I've gotten to giving you my heart and how close you've come to breaking it in two.

Happy Hearts' day, everyone. I feel better already.

Three Wishes for Joey

2009-01-11T23:03:00.000-08:00

I realize that you may not be able to read this, as you may not be into these things, but somehow, I hope the Universe will find a way for my thanks to reach you. I owe you that much, dear friend. I know I haven't been much of a friend to you, as maybe, you have been to me, so let me take the time to say thanks in my own fashion, by sending out these wishes for you.

For all the times you bailed me out of difficulties, acting like the big protector, I wish you years of full health when you can enjoy the sun's warmth, and feel the kiss of the wind, when you will be protected from life's pains.

For all the times we whiled away time talking of everything, and nothing, I wish you more years filled with love and laughter to enjoy the closeness of those who truly love you.

For all the times you took the effort to spend time with a kid who did not know how to value your love, nor how to show you hers, I wish you even more years to find and feel the love you truly deserve.

Years and years and years of health, happiness and love, my friend, you deserve these. I know you are suffering now, and I would like to shout, UNFAIR!!! You are far too young for this. And yet I sit here, not able to do anything but wish, with all my heart, and hope that somehow, in the great scheme of things, it counts for something.

You must remember how I once said that you were the best ever friend I have back home. You still are. I may not be able to show it, but my heart knows this, and that is where the truth resides.

New Year Approaching

2008-12-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

Ring out the old, ring in the new

A midnight wish to share with you

Your lips are warm, my head is light

Were we alive before tonight?

I don't need a crowded ballroom, everything I want is here

If you're with me, next year will be

The perfect year

No need to hear the music play,

Our eyes say all there is to say

The clock has struck, the die is cast

Let's take a chance, forget the past

I don't need a crowded ball room everything I want is here

If you're with me next year will be

The perfect year

I don't need a crowded ballroom everything I want is here

If you're with me next year will be

The perfect year

It's New Year's Eve and hopes are high

Dance one year in, kiss one goodbye

Another chance, another start

So many dreams to tease the heart

We don't need a crowded ballroom everything we want is here

And face to face we will embrace

The perfect year

Oh, we don't need a crowded ballroom everything we want is here

And face to face we will embrace

The perfect year....

-The Perfect Year (Sunset Boulevard)

All In God's Time...

2008-12-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past. "

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-15)

This has always been my favorite Bible verse. Just as I believe that nothing happens by chance, I also believe that everything will manifest in God's time, according to His Grand plan. So why worry? We only have to live good lives. Everything else is in God's hands.

Happy Christmas to all!! May the Universe bestow blessings upon us all.

A Christmas Wish

2008-12-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, I hope we find real kindness in our hearts. Happy Christmas, everyone !!!

So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear one

The old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear

And so this is Christmas

For weak and for strong

For rich and the poor ones

The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas

For black and for white

For yellow and red ones

Let's stop all the fight

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear

And so this is Christmas

And what have we done

Another year over

And a new one just begun

And so happy Christmas

We hope you have fun

The near and the dear one

The old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear

War is over

If you want it

War is over

Now...

Anime Addiction

2008-12-15T01:00:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I got so hooked on watching Japanese anime that I think I understood the stories without looking at the subtitles. I collected them like crazy, frequenting DVD shops in search of interesting ones, and watching them until my eyes hurt. Talk about an anime addict. Good thing I got past that. I still love watching them, but the addiction is not quite as strong as it used to be. Anyway, looking back, here is a list of my favorite ones:

Fushigi Yūgi - Time travel, friendship, youth angst, magic, otherworldly things, elaborate costumes, Tamahome, Miyaka, and most of all beloved Hotohori. Need I say more?
Samurai Champloo - Loved Jin, loved the way Fuu says "Honto," loved Mugen and all his crude ways. Plus, this is really a major champloo. Topic ranges from history to anything at all. Music is anything from folk to rap. With this one, you never quite know what the next episode will be about.
Basilisk - Tragedy, from start to finish. Think Romeo and Juliet with a Samurai twist.
Death Note - This one is dark enough to appeal to me. A perfect example of how a good intention can be perverted to justify evil, how evil can look like a perfect being, and how, in spite of it all, good manages to triumph in the end. I simply enjoyed watching L and Light pit their minds against each other.
Ayashi No Ceres - I'm just starting this one. So far, it looks promising. But then again, otherworldly stuff has always appealed to me.
Hanayori Dango is not on my top five, mainly because it lacks that otherworldly aspect that I like. But it comes close. Bittersweet romance, catchy music (Stepping out...), beautiful girls and guys. And, who wouldn’t love the anime where Meteor Garden was based on?
Yamato Nadeshiko, otherwise known as the Wallflower, or Perfect Girl Evolution, is another favorite, mainly because of the Sunako-Kyohei love/hate romance. I love the manga series more, though. Something got lost when it was made into an anime series.

Anime movies are easier to watch as they are shorter. There is no pressure to watch daily, or for a prolonged period of time (think lunch and dinner in front of your TV set on your rest days), just to know what will happen at the end. Here are some of my most loved anime movies:

Graveyard of the Fireflies - One comment, heart wrenching.
Whisper of the Heart - I liked this one because it is a feel good story about young romance. Nothing angst-filled here, just good old fashioned young love, sweet love. They don't make love stories like this anymore.
Spirited Away - You could read this as an allegory on maturity, a study on losing one's identity, or simply just enjoy young girl's adventure as she is transported into an unknown world.
Princess Mononoke - A statement on loving nature. Beautifully made, this is actually an award-winning film.

Well, that's it for now. I still have a stack of DVDs to watch. I'm sure I'll find more anime to love.

Loving Igor, Loving John

2008-12-09T01:22:00.000-08:00

I just watched Igor and fell in love with the movie. I guess I have always been the one to cheer for the underdog, in this case, a mad scientist's assistant called Igor. Now, Igor is just one of the Igors in the land of Malaria - hunchbacked, disfigured and doomed to be nothing more than a bumbling assistant to a mad scientist, whose intellect rates far below his. But this Igor dared to dream. He relentlessly pursued his dream of becoming an inventor himself, and in the process, saved the town from its oppressors, found love, transcended evil, and gave the chance of a better life for all Igors like himself.

I loved the film, not just because it is different, but because it dares to show a lot of issues under the guise of a children's movie. The characters are not beautiful, in the way that we define beauty, but you will sense a deeper layer of beauty underneath them all. The setting is dark, but it provides the perfect background for story as it unfolds. The lines are witty. The characters are loveable.

A lot of people probably did not like this film. But see, this is just me. I loved Igor. I loved John Cusack’s voice. I had a great time.

Oh, and, John Cusack can never go wrong, at least, not as far as I'm concerned.

Intro to Chinese Integrative Medicine Workshop

2008-12-02T08:53:00.000-08:00

In case anyone is interested...

Back to Basics

A Weekend Workshop on Chinese Integrative Medicine with International Expert Dr. Andre Sorger, M.Sc, B. Com

January 17th, 2009

Dr. Andre Sorger is a lecturer at the School of Natural Medicine, in the Chinese Medicine Department, at the University of Western Cape, Cape Town, South Africa. He supervises the University clinic whilst running his own private clinic in the city, offering- Traditional Oriental Medicine, Allergy Elimination Techniques, Facial Rejuvenation Treatments, Herbal and Nutritional Support, Chinese Exercise and Tui Na/ Acupressure massages.
He obtained his Post-graduate Diploma in Health Management (Oliver Tambo Fellowship) from the University of Cape Town in South Africa and a Certification of Graduate work in Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine from the Heilongjiang University of Traditional Chinese Medicine in Harbin, China.

He took his Master of Science with specialization in Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine from the Traditional Chinese Medicine College of Hawaii in Kamuela, Hawaii.
Dr Sorger is a certified massage therapist (The Acupressure Institute, Berkeley, California) and an expert in Pain management using Acupuncture (Dr. Richard Tan’s balance method, San Diego, California). He also helps to clear allergies utilizing Allergy Elimination Techniques and Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Prior to his work in Cape Town, he has served as a Wellness Director at the Light and Life Spa at the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel in Hawaii, Assistant Spa Director at The Bishop’s Lodge Spa in Santa Fe, New Mexico, Doctor of Chinese Medicine/Administrator at the Integrative Medicine Centre in Kamuela, Hawaii and as a Chinese Medicine Assistant at the Centre for Elders, Highland Hospital in Oakland, California.

Learning the Ancient Art of Healing

The ancient art of healing is expanding and reaching a wider following.

While different cultures have different healing arts to share—traditional medicine in China, leech therapy in India, hilot in the Philippines—now, more than ever, we are seeing an integration of all these practices, integration of the different healing arts and the integration with modern medicine.

In Canada and Germany, 7 out of 10 have tried folk treatment as alternative or supplement to modern health care. More recently, the World Health Organization (WHO) gathered in China to set the regulatory standards and folk medicine in cultures from South Africa to Japan. Member countries are expected to expand traditional medicine in their health care systems.

These ancient healing arts are making a comeback- appropriately at a time when it is most needed. Reports on possible economic recession are scaring even the most stable-looking hospitals. Rising prices of modern medicine are making people think twice about going to the hospital. On a wider perspective, even fuel, food, the financial crisis and climate change all have profound and profoundly unfair consequences for health, according to WHO Director General Dr. Margaret Chan. Thus, some would choose to forego health care.

Back to Basics December Discounts!

Bring 5 friends and you will get 100% off
80% off for bringing 4 friends
60% off for brining 3 friends
40% off for bringing 2 friends20% off for bringing a friend

Pay it forward. Share this wonderful ancient art of healing. Heal with your family, friends and colleagues.

To ensure your place, we ask for a 50% deposit (PHP 2,500) on booking, the balance (PHP2,500) payable on registration at seminar on January 17th, 2009.
Bank: BPI Account Name: Ma. Sonia G. Astudillo, Account Number: 0975-0471 99 . Please keep the deposit slip and send us an email.

Thanks!

Contact Sonia G. Astudillo, 0917-4344246; sonia.g.astudillo@gmail.com / Ma – I Space, 09296031848 for booking details.

Random Quizzes

2008-12-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

Found some cute quizzes online earlier. Not that I believe them, but I had fun answering them, just the same. These two are my favorites:

What Twilight Character Are You?

I am Edward

Kind, sweet, thoughtful, and a bit old-fashioned. You are looking for your true soul mate and when you find them you would die for them. Maybe people would describe you as irresistibly charming and gorgeous.

Try it out, here is the link:

http://www.quizilla.com/quizzes/8312417/what-twilight-character-are-you

Who's Your Fantasy Boyfriend?

Your fantasy boyfriend is Will Turner from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Your fantasy boyfriend doesn't need a fancy title or fancy clothes to impress you. From the first moment you saw Will Turner, you knew he was something special. Will is clever, courageous, and all kinds of cute. He would sail to the ends of the earth to make you happy, but you won't make him go that far alone -- you'd rather be right there by his side. Whether you're running your fingers through his soft curls, or battling evil creatures from the depths of the sea, you and Will make one sexy team.

Almost Christmas

2008-11-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

Been Singing this song the past few days....

St. James Rebecca Lyrics

Christmas is in the air...

Uncomplicated

2008-11-16T09:20:00.001-08:00

I just saw him, and now I'm sure.

I could love him, but I will not. He will always make me smile. He might always make my heart flutter. He will always seem perfect to me. But nothing will be perfect if I decide on love. And just like that, everything became clear. It was never complicated at all, for I do not love him.

Maybe I should do as my friend said. Maybe I should give myself time to grieve, as a should anything special that I might have lost. But I doubt I could spend 24 hours, and more than two teardrops for this, like my friend did. I cannot summon the grief. This is, after all, too liberating to grieve about.

Raining Dalmatians

2008-11-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

Once, during a room renovation spree, I decided that I wanted to give my room a zen-like, minimalist atmosphere. So I had shelves installed so I can keep my stuff contained in one area. I also moved the bed to the side so that the middle of the room will be clear space. Since I also wanted to work off my excess pounds a little bit, I had the exercise bike installed in the room as well.

I did not factor Jumong, the family baby, when I made the decision to renovate the room.

I just lately realized that the open space, the stuff in the shelves, as well as the exercise bike, really are irresistable for a two year old boy. I think, to him, my room looks exactly like a small playground. Lately, his favorite game is this: he would gather all my little dalmatian toys (free from McDonald's Happy meals, from a long way back), put them on the bike seat, then shake the seat until they all fall off. Poor dogs, which, by the way, he alternately calls baby and ato (as in aso, dog).

My room now looks like a battle zone. Dalmatians, broken wooden puzzle vehicles, slippers, and what-have-you's all over the place. Well, so much for zen-like atmosphere. At least the whole house is ringing with laughter. What more can I ask for?

Soundtrack

2008-11-03T19:36:00.000-08:00

It's one of those funny things. Here I am, by my lonesone self, trying out a diet of fruits only for dinner, trying to come up with some creative output, when suddenly, music wafts in from the somewhere, invading my conciousness.

Broken Vow. Sung, badly, by the videoke girl next door.

I really don't know if I should laugh or cry. How apt that at this very moment, someone sung that particular song, a song that used to bring on torrents of tears. How apt that the song has been murdered by bad singing. Laugh or cry? Laughter is winning.

Suffice it is to say, that my creative output has been set aside. All I came up with is this blog entry. Even fruit diet did not work. I cheated and ate a pack of vegetable snack. Mood shattered.

Sometimes, life feels like a badly written comedy show.

City Girl Musings

2008-10-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I guess I really am a city girl. l enjoy the countryside and all, often taking time out just to find a quiet place, away from all the noise and dirt, but the truth is, I cannot stay away from the city for long. I love that here, when you need something, there are places where you can actually find everything. Out here, even novelties are non-novelties.

And yet, I need a getaway, too; a place to escape to when the city becomes to much for me. It used to be our town, but not so much these days. Whenever I go home, it saddens me that our town is fast becoming a small city. SM has become just like McDonald's and 7-11, in every corner, in every town. When I am there, I often stay indoors, just so I could keep in my mind our town, as I remember it, not as it is now.

Here is my wish then, to find a quiet piece of land in a province, and make my own getaway. Maybe I could put up a small coffee shop and library,as well. But it should not be far from the city. A short drive, a plane ride away, will do. Good compromise, isn't it?

Compromise, now there's the word I've been looking for.

Killing the Cat

2008-10-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

I just received a friendster invite from someone I've been hiding from. Here's the catch, I accepted it. Curiosity, I suppose.

Yeah, I know, curiosity kills...

Meteor Garden Makes me Cry

2008-10-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

I've always had the feeling that time moves in cycles, that some things happen again and again, until somehow you get it right, until you give it a new ending, or in some cases until it becomes a new beginning.

The past month, I've feeling that way. It all started with a nonsensical thought, Meteor Garden makes me cry. Totally meaningless. But that was how the cycle started, a series of events that is not quite deja vu, but familiar, like a road I have once taken and afraid to take again. This time, though, I chose to give it a twist. I told myself, I will not turn my back casually on any option the universe gives me, even if it only means healing, and nothing else.

So a new cycle begins. Where it leads, I leave it up to the universe. I can only do my part, and trust that I will be led where I have to be.

Sad Poem???

2008-10-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

I just found an old poem of mine in an old friend's blog:

Where does the loving go
after the pain subsides
and tears fade into the night?
Maybe, it simply hides...

What becomes of a heart
as it continues to try
and keep from falling apart?
Maybe it silently cries...

What becomes of promises
when it seems forever won't last
and the heart no longer trusts?
Maybe, they loosen their ties...

Where does the loving go
after every goodbye?
Maybe, just maybe, it dies...

I was just looking for anything with a connection to my name online, and it was the one thing I found which was really about me. How strange. She said it was the saddest poem she has ever read. I thought it weird; I did not mean for it to be a sad poem. It was just a reflection of a younger me on a big question.

I'm older now; still not sure if there is an answer. I guess that makes it a sad poem.

Beautiful Boy

2008-10-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yup, the title is lifted from yet another Lennon song. I guess I do not have to say how much I love his songs. Anyway, this was not written for my son, as I do not have one (I'd like to add yet, but I stop myself). This one is for a little boy I once had the good fortune to encounter on a jeepney ride....

I do not know who you are,
But I saw your hands,
And they were beautiful hands.

I never heard your voice,
But I saw the dance you had inside your heard,
And I wanted to move in time with your music.

You never looked my way,
But I kept looking into your eyes,
Hoping you'd see me, or allow me to see the beauty that you know.

You never let me into your world
But how I longed to understand that peace;
It lies so far away where only your beauty reigns still.

This will not be enough to desribe how I felt when I saw that child. He was beautiful. And he was special. He was not what you and I would call normal. But I saw happiness whenever he moved. I saw wonder in his eyes whenever he looked around. He danced with his hands. He may not be normal as we tend to view normal. But sometimes, I do believe, he got the better deal.

Reborn on the Fourth of July

2008-07-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

I promised myself that I will not touch my blog again..but here I am.

But then again , it's the 4th of July, and though I am not not the US, I work for a US company, so today is a holiday, in a manner of speaking. So for all of us skeleton crew left to man the fortress, there is really not much to do, but give free reign to our other side...not necessarily the brighter one. No agents to assist, no pending records to work on...I so love this day!!!

And so I found my blog again. My God, some of the things I wrote here make me cringe. Just the same, I'm writing this and maybe later on, when I get home, I would have the energy to post it.

So here goes. I don't really know if this makes any sense, but here are my thoughts today.

Singlehood. I thank God!!! Need I say more?

Freedom . I do not have to ask permission from anyone for what ever I do and wherever I go. I remember a time when I cannot do this. I cannot even go to the sari-sari store witout my (then) BF in tow. Now I can book trips on a whim....give me all those zero fare trips!!!

Not having kids yet. I used to tell myself that if I'm not married at this age, I will find a way to have a kid and I will raise him/her solo. I even got someone to promise me asistance.(God that feels gross now!!!) But with all prices going sky high, I'm so glad I do not have to worry about a kid, as well. I only have to look at my married officemates at the start of the school year to know that I migt not be able to afford it. Sometimes, though, I think I got it wrong, I should have had a kid at 17. Life was so much easier then...

Financial freedom. I'm working and if my parents need me, I have means of being there for them. I can go places and buy stuff if I put my mind to it, all out of my own pocket.

Inspiration. I'm writing a series of thoughts on singlehood....fun, fun. Friends beware, you will all be in this.

Speaking of friends being in my story, I have another one. which I hope will turn out well. A musical, this time. Musical friends, double beware. HAHAHAHA.

I'm letting my mind go on free association here. I write whatever comes to mind. From stories, my next thought is photograhy,. I've always known I can do this. So with a little more effort, I can make something of my travel photos. This has been nagging my mind since summer. I should do something about it, if only for peace of mind.

Oh, and photos make me think of something elss. I broke another rule, I searched for the Rainman...and I did find him. I am not quite sure, though, if the information I got is enough or too little...but that's all I'm allowing myself for now.

Holiday over.

Project Tsinelas

2006-12-18T04:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my friends and I went around the city to distribute slippers and food to street kids. With barely 3 weeks of preparation, I am so very happy that my little project worked. Lots of people, some I don't even know, donated slippers and even cash to help out.

I would have been happy had I collected only 20 pairs of slippers to give out . As it turned out, we distributed almost 70 pairs, as well as 16 bags of cupcakes. And donations are still coming in. We will have to do a Part 2 before the year ends.

I salute the people who have shown kindness to the less fortunate. I salute God for using my friends and I as instruments.

I pray my little project not only gave comfort to tired feet and hungry stomachs, but hope for a better life. And I pray that the kindness goes on, long after the season is gone.

Batangas!!!

2006-10-23T04:52:00.000-07:00

Went to Batangas with a good friend last week to get away from office stress and to celebrate her birthday. Spent days doing nothing. Went to Puerto Gallera. Swam, got a bad case of allergy and sunburn, but had a great time. As my friend said, that was real life. Office? That's just work!!!

Will upload pix sometime soon.

Ciao.

One Hell Of A Great Guy

2006-10-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

On this day, his birthday, I would like to take the time to remember one of music world's greatest legends...a lost boy...a misunderstood man...a beautiful dreamer...a tragic life...a man I wish I was given the chance to have known...

Here's to you, Mr. Lennon, for all the beauty and madness you shared to the world...

"come together, right now, over me..."

MADZ rocks!!!

2006-10-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

My friends and I watched Madzitawanan at the CCP last sunday, and to summarize the experience, all I can say is ...WOW!!! I mean, really, dressed up, down, even like clowns, singing classic, pop, blues, and even Papa Cologne, serious, funny, seated, standing up, no one can deny that MADZ is the best choral group around.

I'm keeping my schedule free for their next concert....

closing doors

2006-09-18T01:56:00.000-07:00

Theme From Mahogany (do You Know Where You're Going To?)

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to?

Do you know...?

Do you get

What you're hoping for

When you look behind you

There's no open door

What are you hoping for?

Do you know...?

Once we were standing still in time

Chasing the fantasies

That filled our minds

You knew how I loved you

But my spirit was free

Laughin' at the questions

That you once asked of me

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to?

Do you know...?

Now looking back at all we've planned

We let so many dreams

Just slip through our hands

Why must we wait so long

Before we'll see

How sad the answers

To those questions can be

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you

Where are you going to?

Do you know...?

Do you get

What you're hoping for

When you look behind you

There's no open door

What are you hoping for?

Do you know...?

Something happened a few months back, and it made me think of this song. I have slammed too many doors in the past. I always believed I would be able to go back someday. Or maybe, I thought, it would not matter, one way or the other. I always walked away without turning back. At any rate, that time, I got to thinking that doors will not forever remain unlocked. What if one day I decide to return, and found them locked? What happens then? Do I knock? What if there is no one, and nothing, I know of inside? So, I thought of going back. If doors slammed on my face, so be it. It would not be me with the unfinished business this time. I would have been free of those doors.

But there are doors I simply couldn't go back to. My pride would not let me. And so the feeling passed. I decided not to go back. As always, with me, pride wins.

MOI

2006-09-09T21:14:00.001-07:00

This is me, according to Lyndon Gregorio of Beerkada. I love the way he drew my hair. Makes me feel good about the new 'do. Though it's getting a bit long already...

A trip to Palawan

2006-09-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture from that life-changing trip...Photos will not capture the feeling, but let me just say that I found some of the most beautiful answers to a lot of odd questions there..

Peter Pan Revisited

2006-09-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

Flashback to this entry.

I remember feeling the stupid smile coming up whenever I saw this person. No reason at all, except maybe the fairy dust floating around whenever I see him. That means almost everyday at work before I moved to another department, away from him.

Flashback to 2 weeks ago. I met him at the elevator. We were alone for a few minutes. He looked the same. The feeling was not. No stupid grin. No fairy dust this time.

Sad?

I don't think so. Just proves my point. Even Peter Pan runs out of fairy dust eventually. Such is the nature of things.

See yah around, my crazy chicken.

reminiscing

2006-09-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

Listened to the soundtrack of Beaches before going to sleep yesterday. Fell in love with the songs all over again. This one especially:

Under the Boardwalk

Oh, the sun beats down

and burns the tar up on the roof.

And your shoes get so hot,

you wish your tired feet were fireproof.

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea,

on a blanket with my baby is where I'll be.

From the park you hear

happy sounds from the carousel.

You can almost taste the hot dogs

and french fries they sell.

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea,

on a blanket with my baby is where I'll be.

Out of the sun.

We'll be havin' some fun.

People walkin' above.

We'll be fallin' in love

under the boardwalk, boardwalk.

Oooh, la la la la la la.

Oooh, la la la la la la la la la.

Help me somebody, sing some la la's with me.

Under the night, under the stars by the raging sea.

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea, the sea,

on a blanket with my baby is where I'll be.

On a blanket with my baby is where I'll be.

Out of the sun.

We'll be havin' some fun.

People walkin', walkin'.

We'll be falling in love.

Out of the sun.

We'll be havin' some fun.

Everybody walkin', walkin', walkin'.

We'll be under the boardwalk, boardwalk.

Song's been ringing' in my head. Been singing it over and over again. Even when I only knew a few lines. Officemate torture. Haha!!!

Anyway IF (put a stress there) I get married, in church, with a reception and a program after, I'd like this to be the first dance my husband and I will dance as a married couple. Its so sweet, without beeing mushy. Just like how I'd like a relationship to be.

But then, there is that big IF ( another stress here) there. All of that would rest upon the IF. Hahah!!!

More lyrics here.

A wish List of Sorts

2006-07-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

Just thinking of some things I'd like to have...

A maltese named Saruman.
A cloud blue persian cat I'd call Voldemort.
My own home theater system. Currently working on it.
My own house.
An out of town coffee house con art shop, rustic look, the works In the planning stages.
My own salon..hopefully next year.
A high end digital SLR, complete with gadgets.
A small laptop.
Lotsa money and free time for travel. Is this possible????

Just sharing my thoughts.

Have a great one.

Home Movies

2006-07-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

Finally had enough patience to deal with our monster VCD player. Weird thing eats our cds and would not open to release them unless you turn it upside down. The one time it actually opened properly, the cd was left inside!!! I've been wanting to buy a DVD player but I guess I'm too OC. Questions like what brand, style, size, etc, bug me down. So there, we have this monster. But being bored at home as much as I have been the past few days left me with no choice. I had to put up with the CD monster if I wanted to watch movies at home. It was a good thing the movies were well worth the trouble. Watched some feel good romantic comedies. Felt a little better. Of course, I had to shake the horrid player after watching each one.

Speaking of feel good movies, this one topped my list of home movies. Cool story. I soooo loved Heath Ledger's rebel stance and cool smile and Julia Stiles' tough girl act. If you haven't watched it, please do so. Then tell me if you didn't like the part where he sang her a song in front of the whole school.

I hate the way you talk to me,

And the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

And the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way your always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate the way you make me laugh,

Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when your not around,

And the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

Not even close,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all.

~Kat's poem from "10 Things I Hate About You"~

House Arrest

2006-06-30T02:48:00.000-07:00

Been sick the past few days. Didn't think I'd miss the office, but now I do. So bored. I can only do so much crossword puzzles. No new book. Can't do yoga, too tiring. I don't like being sick. And the doctor tells me I have to stay home until tomorrow. I know I shouldn't be complaining. Soon enough I'll be back at the office, wishing I were home. We people are funny that way. Anyway, found this poem again. Just wanted to share it. No particular reason why. Check out Neruda, he's the best.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

Got Tagged!!!

2006-06-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

Got tagged by Karen.

Instructions : The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover. He/She needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover. He/She must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their respective sites announcing that they've been tagged. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.

Gender: Male

He has to know the meaning of the words commitment and understanding.
He has to know to how to accept as much as he probably expects to be accepted.
He has to know the value of small things that sometimes mean a lot more than grand gestures.
He must have learned the art of listening to what are sometimes left unsaid.
He must respect other people, women especially. I hate people who discriminate against women and other people they do not understand.
He must have a good sense of humor. Think witty comments and retorts. And he has to be confident enough to laugh at himself, especially when he is the target of jokes.
He must be both a boy and a man, enjoying little things yet bravely facing the realities and responsibilities of life.
He must enjoy or at least appreciate the things that matter to me, like family, friends, career, art, books, movies, music, etc.

Whew, a tough list to make. Karen, you definitely made me think about this. I tag everyone on my list here, Loowee and Angel, especially, and everyone else who gets to read this entry.

Have fun thinking of your ideal person. He/She probably does not exist. Haha!!! Just a joke, folks.

Surf Control Wins

2006-06-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

Some updates on me:

1. Surf control is forever!!! I can't even veiw my blog from the office now...grrr!!! No Gmail even...
2. Watched Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah last sunday. My friend and I fought for the last two seats of the matinee show...fun, fun, fun!!!
3. Became an official fan of Arnold Arre's graphic novels. It all started with After Eden, a book I randomly picked from the shelf for no reason at all. Now I have The Mythology Class and Ang Mundo ni Andong Agimat as well. If only I can find a copy of Trip to Tagaytay. If you guys haven't read any of the said books...shame on you!!! Haha!!! Seriously, please take the time to do so...its well worth your time.
4. Got over my depression regarding my so called wrong decision. Finally convinced myself that I did the right thing. Pride wins. Haha!!!
5. Reviving my love for photography. Unable to enlist in courses because of schedule issues. Besides, camera's busted..too expensive to buy a new one. Oh well, life goes on...
6. No movement in the stories I'm writing. Just an outline and some scattered scenes. Everything else is still in my head. I keep telling myself I'll find time to write them. Well, maybe, one of these days I will.
7. Planning a trip to Palawan with my mother. Less than 2 months to go....
8. Grew a year older. Dunno if that means wiser.
9. Learning how to be kinder to unkind people. No mean feat, I tell you. Hope this earns me points in heaven.
10. Loving my single life!!! And that's no joke...

Ciao, folks. Until the next entry.

New Face

2006-05-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hahaha!!! No surf control here at the office today!!! Was finally able to change the look of this blog. Still a lot to be done, but this will do for now...

Am I back or what????

Nienna Vardamir

2005-10-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

Nienna Vardamir is my elven name...cute, no? I forget where I got it. But it sounds nice enough. Anyway, took another one of those quizzes again. And I found out that I belong to the family of Sirius Black...isn't that nice? I think I'm beginning to see a trend in the results...

Keys To My Heart???

2005-10-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

I'm getting addicted to these quizzes. Dunno how accurate they are. But you have to admit its fun taking them. Here's another one...and there's more to come...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

The Griffin

2005-10-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

The Griffin:

The Griffin stands for Freedom. You have the
kind of soul that can't be brought down to
retraints, and will always escape to find a
happier place.

Strengths: Always energetic and looking for some
fun, the Griffin seeks to live an exciting
life. Sometimes you just want to fly away from
the world itself to seek something more
exhilerating to endure and experience. Often
friendly, the Griffin is usually the one who is
the center of attention, always looking to give
a good laugh and help others.

Flip Side: When love calls to the heart of this
freedom seeking bird, sometimes its hard to pin
it down. You don't like being caged, whether it
be a relationship or inside your own house, it
can merely drive you insane! The Griffin is
also known to become carried away, and can also
turn sour to other people on bad days.

Congratulations! You have a Griffin inside!

pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen

What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Dreams and Werewolves

2005-10-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ei, I'm back!!! Finally had the time to breathe. Lately my days have been divided between work and sleep. Pathetic existence, huh? From now on, I will try to find time for other things, my blog, among them.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I went to the mall and decided to check out a VCD sale. Randomly picked up a CD and guess what? I picked out Akira Kurosawa's Dreams! Now I've been looking for an original copy of that film for the longest time. And just when I've given up on the search, I found it, and on sale at that. So, for P99.00, I got a copy of my favorite film. There should be a lesson there somewhere. Maybe I should learn to give up searching, then things will come to me...hahaha!!!

Also found a copy of Stephen King's Cycle of The Werewolf. Thought I wanted it so bad when there was no copy to be found in bookstores. But when I did find one, I realized I did not really want it. I guess that's lesson #2, sometimes you think you want something badly, but when you find it, you realize you only think you do...

a blast from the past

2005-05-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

today i heard a voice frm the past..a voice i at once knew, yet didn't...
today i heard an echo of happiness that resides in that voice....
today i heard and imagined a hint of sadness somehow reflects mine...
today i thought i heard hesitancy and fear in that voice...
today i heard and dreamt that longing and hope is in that voice as it was in mine...
today i heard a voice and my chest constricted with fear i have not known before...
today i heard a voice and never let the bearer hear mine...
today, i heard a voice frm the past, and dreamt about the future that was in the past...

Happy Thoughts

2005-04-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

Pixie dust and a happy thought can make you fly...

Remember Peter Pan? I do not know what it was I thought I lost the past few days(or has it been weeks, months, even?), the happy thoughts, or pixie dust which magically transforms a happy thought and gives you the freedom to fly. Whatever, I thought I'd lost it, never to be regained again.

Then one night I found myself grinning that silly grin. You know how that is, you smile for no apparent reason why. People ask, and you can only say, "I don't know..", feign ignorance. But of course you know. Deep within you, you know what caused that silly grin, but darn if you'll tell. It's your little secret.

You've found a happy thought.

Well, I have found it, a happy thought. And it has made me smile. I reckon it is not THE HAPPY THOUGHT, but for now, it makes me smile..

What say you, Peter Pan, think we can fly one more time?

april fool

2005-04-07T13:11:00.002-07:00

Went singing with my sis the last weekend. It was cool...we just picked out any song from the list and went on belting it out. That was how I rediscovered this song. It was so wrong for my voice, but the more I sang it, the more I realized it was my song..especially that line about sleep..it's sooo me.. so let's sing...

Wildflower

She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
And many times her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders
bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears
still rings in midnight silence in her ears

Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

And if by chance I should hold her
Let me hold her for the time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden to be mine.

Be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you walk into her eyes you won't believe
The way she's always paying
for debts she never owes
And a silent wind still blows
that only she can hear and so she goes

Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

The Sound of One Heart Breaking

2005-03-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

This one is for a friend who once asked the question...

THE SOUND OF ONE HEART BREAKING
by Karen Kunawicz

Ever come across this zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books?

You know, the one that asks what is the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what's the sound of one heart breaking and might have an answer. Welcome to the dark side of love.

What is the sound of one heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.

It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it's the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.

It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love you" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves at the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittleblack-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound ofthe music he used to make going to your gut.

The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of sharpened kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear. It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of winged creatures dying and falling on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

Rainman

2005-02-27T13:59:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this so I can remember the happy times, and how they came to end...

10 Things I Loved About You

1. I loved your smile, but you forgot to smile at me.
2. I loved your strong artistic hands and all the the beautiful things you made, but you got tired of making them for me
3. I loved your questions about big and small things, until you began to turn to others for your answers.
4. I loved your childlike enjoyment of life, but then you stopped believing in the magic of life.
5. I loved the way we seemed to be of one mind, but you began to misunderstand all the things I am.
6. I loved the way you always thought of me until you believed thinking of me took up too much of your time
7. I loved the way you shared my life but you left me out of yours.
8. I loved the visions you painted of tomorrow but your tomorrow was not able to withstand time.
9. I loved your presence beside me, but now you're no longer here with me.
10. I loved you for who you are but I discovered I no longer knew that man.

sometimes its good to remember....then you can happily forget again...

so long, Rainman...

The Phantom of the Opera

2005-02-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

My best friend told me he thought of me when he saw The Phantom of the Opera. He said he just knew how much I'd love love this film. Well, I guess he really knows me well. I loved the film so much, I'm recommending it to everyone I know. I've always loved the music and since there is no indication that anyone is planning to stage the musical in our country, I'm so glad I was finally able to see it on the wide screen...and at an affordable price, too. Gerald Butler may not be a Michael Crawford nor Emmy Rossum a Sarah Brightman but they did justice to their roles. So did the other actors(yes, that includes Minnie Driver,too). This movie is a definite winner.

If you haven't watched it, please do...and, "if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me..."

Tuwing Umuulan...

2005-02-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

Pagmasdan ang ulan,
Unti-unting pumapatak sa mga halama't mga bulaklak
Pagmasdan ang dilim,
Unti-unting bumabalot sa buong paligid t'wing umuulan

Kasabay ng ulan bumubuhos ang 'yong ganda,
Kasabay rin ng hanging kumakanta

Maari bang huwag ka na
Sa piling ko'y lumisan pa hanggang ang hangi't ula'y tumila na

Buhos na ulan, aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan
Tulad ng pag-agos mo,
'Di mapipigil ang puso kong nagliliyab
Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

Pagmasdan ang ulan,
Unti-unting tumitila
Ikaw ri'y magpapaalam na
Maari bang minsan pa, mahagkan ka't maiduyan pa
Sakbibi ka't ulan lamang ang saksi

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka't h'wag nang tumigil pa
Hatid mo ma'y bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo
Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

Maari bang minsan pa, mahagkan ka't maiduyan pa
Sakbibi ka't ulan lamang ang saksi

Buhos na ulan, aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan
Tulad ng pag-agos mo,
'Di mapipigil ang puso kong nagliliyab
Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka't h'wag nang tumigil pa
Hatid mo ma'y bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo
Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw,
Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa
Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka...

para sa ulan na nagdaan at magdadaan pa...para sa mga luhang bumulag sa mata sa katotohanang naryan lamang sa harapan... para sa apoy na nilunod ng baha ng luha...para sa yakap na unti-unting nabalot ng lamig nang ang apoy ay mawala na...para sa ngiting natago ng kawalan ng liwanag...para sa mga alaala at pag-ibig na minsan ay nagdaan at dumampi sa aking buhay, parang hangin na sa isang iglap lamang ay nawala na...itong awit na ito ay para sa kanila...

I Knew You Could Never Forget

2005-01-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

I knew you could never forget .

In songs, I know you could remember me. For every memory would vibrate into the air my name.

In silence, my dear, never could you drown the memory of me. For silence is I, myself.

Yes, I understand, I have always understood. I never mistook for a fault an indifferent thing in you. I knew and wanted not your faults, but you.

Even if you hurt my feelings, I'd still remember you.

If ever I went away, it is not because I misunderstood. It was only because I wanted you to realize that you cannot forget me. It was because I was all the while in your sight that you thought you could not lose me.

Now that I am gone, now that you are alone, you are awakened from your sleep.

I knew, beloved, you could not forget.

Perhaps you were sincere when you bade your last adieu for you thought you could do it.

But I knew you more than you. And I wanted you to realize that I alone can blend music and memory into one consuming ecstasy.

I alone, because I love you...

*ps this was supposed to have been written by A. Florendo in response to R. Carbonell's Beyond Forgetting

Beyond Forgetting

2005-01-24T14:24:00.000-08:00

For a moment I thought I could forget you. For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer haunt me—nor hurt me.

How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant, is as much a part of me as life itself. And you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me—of my dreams, my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions—that in all my tasks I can't help remembering you. Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came. And would my pride mock my real feelings? Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face, be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone. I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song...And yet I remembered. For who could forget the memory of the once lovely, the once happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung. I cannot sing it without you. The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune, because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness. Can't you understand? Can't you divine thedepth and the tenderness of my feelings towards you? Yes, can't you see howI suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you mistook my silence for indifference. But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart. How could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks a more eloquent tone? But, perhaps, you didn't understand..

Remember, I came because the gnawing loneliness is there and will not be lost until the music is sung, until the poem is heard, until the silence is understood....until you come to me again.

For you alone can blend the music and memory into one consuming ecstasy. You alone...

Rolando Carbonell

Void

2005-01-21T13:53:00.000-08:00

Void. In a travel agent's language, means to cancel a ticket transaction. It is a courtesy given to clients when they make a mistake on their reservation. It is salvation for an agent who makes an error while issuing a ticket. It makes a non-refundable ticket fully refundable. But always within a time limit. Otherwise, lost value. A debit memo.

Void. In layman's terms, means emptiness. Total blackness. A vacuum. It is defined, not by what it contains, but by what it does not.

Void. A limbo. That is where she thinks she is.

Void. She can look at it in two ways. A nothing that leads to nothing. Or a chance for a clean slate.

Time is short, Cinderella. You choose...

One More Day

2005-01-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

One day more!

Another day, another destiny.

This never-ending road to Calvary...

One step closer to the unknown, one step farther from a game that the players have abandoned, and forgotten. She sits on the sidelines, a benched player, waiting for a cue, which the audience will never give. Silently she sways to the unending rhythm that is time. But never without hope. Soon, tommorow will come...and it will be hers...

Until then, let her enjoy her solitude...

Tomorrow we’ll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!

Sad Song

2005-01-07T11:16:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking of a question a friend asked. She wanted to know what the saddest song is for me. I was unable to answer. I know far too many sad songs, one for each sad occassion in my life. But recently I heard this song from the musical Chess. It may not be the saddest song I know but it has some of the saddest lines I've heard.

Someone Else's Story

Long ago

In someone else's lifetime

Someone with my name

Who looked a lot like me

Came to know

A man and made a promise

He only had to say

And that's where she would be

Lately

Although the feelings run just as deep

The promise she made has grown impossible to keep

And yet I wish it wasn't so

Will he miss me if I go?

In a way

It's someone else's story

I don't see myself

As taking part at all

Yesterday

A girl that I was fond of

Finally could see

The writing on the wall

Sadly

She realized she'd left him behind

And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind

And though there's nothing left to say

Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never

I could be choosing

No choices whatsoever.

I could be

In someone else's story

In someone else's life

And he could be in mine

I don't see

A reason to be lonely

I could take my chances

Further down the line

And if

That girl I knew should ask my advice

Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice

Go now!

I'd tell her that for free

Trouble is, the girl is me

The story is, the girl is me.

Happy New Year!!!

2004-12-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

Let's face 2005 with hope in our hearts!

Variation on the Word Sleep

2004-12-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

From Selected Poems II: 1976-1986 by Margaret Atwood.

Happy Christmas!

2004-12-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

Its that season...I can play John Lennon's(I love this guy, but that will be for another entry) Happy Christmas, without encountering raised eyebrows. That alone should make me happy. But the best thing about Christmas this year is, I'm actually free to spend it with my family. I don't have to spend Christmas eve having a psuedo party with my officemates while taking calls from irate people who seem to think that they alone have the right to enjoy the holidays(What about people like me who work for the success of their holiday plans, huh?). I don't have to lie and say I'm too sick to go to work Christmas and New Year(new year's eve, too for that matter) . This Christmas is mine!!!!

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR,
LET'S HOPE ITS A GOOD ONE, WITHOUT ANY FEAR...

Black is a Happy Color

2004-12-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

June, your true color is Black!

Gryffindor!

2004-12-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

Congratulations on making Gryffindor!

Basically, you're brave, daring, chivalrous, and pretty much.. an all around good person. Of course, some see you as a goodie-two-shoes. But hey, it's true! You're really good at winning, and normally always come out as the hero. Everybody likes you.. except, maybe, the Slytherins. You're too perfect. No, really.. You're too perfect. It's annoying to watch you win, repeatedly. Oh well. Be proud anyway.

Gryffindors to Remember:

Harry Potter
Ron Weasley
The whole Weasley family
Hermione Granger
Albus Dumbledore

Aurora Borealis

2004-12-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

No description can describe the splendor or the magnificence of the natural phenomenon known as the Northern Lights or Aurora Borealis. The Northern lights have been described in ancient times by the Eskimos, American Indians, world explorers and was even mentioned in the Old Testament. Ben Franklin, Aristotle, Descartes, Edmund Halley, Goethe, and Henry Cavendish have all been fascinated by this array of lights in the night sky, and have all written papers about them.

The Aurora Borealis encircles the entire Polar Regions. People on earth only see a small part of the display as the lowest sections of the Aurora are about 40 miles from the ground. Astronauts looking down on the polar region from space have a better view of the phenomenon as the Aurora extends up to 600 miles above the earth.

On some occasions, when the Aurora reached the middle latitudes of France and Italy, it struck fear into the population. When the lights reached these latitudes, they were a dark red in color and thought of as an ill omen signifying the blood of battle. Every Northern culture has legends about the lights and often associates them with life after death. The Tlingits and Eyak Indians of Southeastern Alaska consider them a sure sign of impending battle. They believe that someone would be killed when the lights put on their cosmic display. But the only Eskimo group that considered the Aurora an evil thing was the Point Barrow Eskimos. They believed this so deeply, that they used to carry knives to keep it away.

The Geophysical Institute of the University of Alaska is a major station for the study of the lights with specialized cameras and improved spectroscopes. It was found that the displays were caused by magnetic disturbances from the sun, which produced light when colliding with atoms in the upper atmosphere. Sc