Heart Day Blues
"Just when I think I can't love you more, you prove me wrong."
-Jim Clancy
Ghost Whisperer
I've always shunned Valentine’s Day celebrations, preferring to stay indoors to avoid the crowd and all them overpriced nothings being peddled by merchants intent on gaining profit from sickeningly sweet lovers, who, I think, should know better, especially with our economy the way it is. I know you can almost hear me say "Humbug!" An officemate of mine calls herself the Scrooge of Valentine. If that is the case, guess I'm a close understudy.
So just for today, I chose to be alone, stay in, and once more celebrate solitude. Much to my dismay, the Valentine blues got to me.
Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy where I am. But for a few minutes back there, looking at my photo collection, updating my personal mails, planning my itineraries, I really wished that, just for today, I have that someone special right beside me, even if it means going though a crowd and spending half our salaries on a dinner that would, most likely, not satisfy us at all. I wanted to let go of the rational side of me and just give in to the madness that others call romance. For once, I wished that my next set of travel photos would be of him and me discovering the world together.
Having given in to one mushy thought, others started following in its wake. I tortured myself thinking of the things that may never be; of the things he might have shared with others and not me, and consequently, of the things I never shared with him. And yet, I realize how I have closed a lot of doors and started believing that I am best alone. Maybe, the choice to love, or not, could have been mine, but I just did not want it, because either way could cause me pain, and pain is not something I would like to invite in my life.
I know this "senti" mode of mine will not last. I know what I want, have always wanted. In fact, I do know who I want; I just do not let that get in the way of me. I am, after all, still best at being alone.
So here's what I'll do. I'll find a quiet place where I can see both the stars and the city lights, and I'll give a toast to all you lovers out there, whose happiness will never be daunted by anything, not even a looming financial crisis. Believe it or not, I, too, know how to appreciate love. "Salut" to all of you, may your happiness survive the trivialities of life. And for that someone out there, may you never know how close I've gotten to giving you my heart and how close you've come to breaking it in two.
Happy Hearts' day, everyone. I feel better already.
Ghost Whisperer
I've always shunned Valentine’s Day celebrations, preferring to stay indoors to avoid the crowd and all them overpriced nothings being peddled by merchants intent on gaining profit from sickeningly sweet lovers, who, I think, should know better, especially with our economy the way it is. I know you can almost hear me say "Humbug!" An officemate of mine calls herself the Scrooge of Valentine. If that is the case, guess I'm a close understudy.
So just for today, I chose to be alone, stay in, and once more celebrate solitude. Much to my dismay, the Valentine blues got to me.
Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy where I am. But for a few minutes back there, looking at my photo collection, updating my personal mails, planning my itineraries, I really wished that, just for today, I have that someone special right beside me, even if it means going though a crowd and spending half our salaries on a dinner that would, most likely, not satisfy us at all. I wanted to let go of the rational side of me and just give in to the madness that others call romance. For once, I wished that my next set of travel photos would be of him and me discovering the world together.
Having given in to one mushy thought, others started following in its wake. I tortured myself thinking of the things that may never be; of the things he might have shared with others and not me, and consequently, of the things I never shared with him. And yet, I realize how I have closed a lot of doors and started believing that I am best alone. Maybe, the choice to love, or not, could have been mine, but I just did not want it, because either way could cause me pain, and pain is not something I would like to invite in my life.
I know this "senti" mode of mine will not last. I know what I want, have always wanted. In fact, I do know who I want; I just do not let that get in the way of me. I am, after all, still best at being alone.
So here's what I'll do. I'll find a quiet place where I can see both the stars and the city lights, and I'll give a toast to all you lovers out there, whose happiness will never be daunted by anything, not even a looming financial crisis. Believe it or not, I, too, know how to appreciate love. "Salut" to all of you, may your happiness survive the trivialities of life. And for that someone out there, may you never know how close I've gotten to giving you my heart and how close you've come to breaking it in two.
Happy Hearts' day, everyone. I feel better already.
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